5 GUARANTEED WAYS TO ENSURE I DON'T ACT ON YOUR EMAIL

5 GUARANTEED WAYS TO ENSURE I DON'T ACT ON YOUR EMAIL

Some people reading this blog might be the same people who have previously screen-scraped my info, bought my details on a list, or extracted my details through an export on LinkedIn - and then sent speculative emails to me over the past couple of years. Sound familiar? Then this one's for you...

Like many others working in the same or similar fields to mine, my waking, working life is one of constant frenetic typing, sitting in rooms where people talk about stuff, followed by more frenetic typing; often wearing a somewhat aloof expression on my face whilst I think through some kind of workflow process, campaign composition, or content-related thing. And, lots of time spent at my desk - but away from my inbox - and into platforms living in the cloud.

Last year, my team were responsible for the issuing of nearly 400,000 outbound mailers (with, I might as well add, an overall engagement rate reaching well above industry standard - and a miniscule unsubscribe rate. Go us), so I'd like to think I'm writing with at least some insight into what essentially makes mail recipients tick.

A salesy mailer or outreach email from sales is no problem at all when it's done well. But I've been harbouring a mental twitch to certain things I have had through from a particular type of salesperson - people trying to sell me something to do with digital marketing.

And granted, it may just be me. I may be the odd one out here. But there are certain things which trigger my little index finger into hitting that 'delete' button, and I wonder how many of you out there feel the same.

And I totally get it - people need to reach out from the ether to other people to make maybe that first contact to sell something; something which may very well make our working lives better. You're also competing with everyone else who's trying to sell something. That coveted inbox space is pretty precious.

What I'm talking about here are the little mannerisms and tactics of the sender. The little irritating devices which make me roll my eyes and mutter to myself. Those.

1. You don't even say hello

"Fi,
 
I was looking at your website earlier, and..."

Call me old-fashioned, but I kind of expect to be addressed with a 'hi', 'hello', or 'hey' - rather than feeling like someone's barking at me. I find the whole 'name > comma' thing a bit aggressive and not very friendly.

Maybe I'm just sensitive. Maybe you're just a bit too direct.

2. You write me poetry

(Or rather, you send me - and my two colleagues sitting behind me - exactly the same email.)

...Maybe I can get a response if I *dazzle* you with an amazing haiku I wrote:
I've been on your site, Let's talk about the content, Is Thursday alright?
So maybe poetry isn't my strong suit...I think you should give me another chance to prove myself. Let's talk about interactive content and I promise you'll be impressed :)

I wrote a haiku back to them. I didn't get a response.

3. You inadvertently - or obviously - insult something to do with what's in my remit

"I notice that your website isn't ranking as well as it should be....."

Guess what. Someone I don't know from Adam, abruptly telling me I'm not doing the best job of x or y, is not going to endear yourself to me.

And besides, I don't believe you.

4. You try to captivate me with hyperbole

Imagine seeing this subject line in your inbox, because you haven't responded to their previous three emails:

"Fi, have you been kicked in the head by a kangaroo?"

Congratulations. You've just been given a free ticket to my Junk Mail folder.

5. You admit to stalking me and / or assume too much

"I noticed that you opened my previous emails and checked out our website, but I never heard back from you.
 
I hope you don't find this outreach pushy - I was simply wondering whether these actions mean that you're interested in learning more about our services.
 
Do you have 10 minutes for a phone call?"

We're living in a time of very sophisticated sales methods - and so anyone making an approach, blurting out that they've been tracking me and what I do, is making a schoolboy error here.

I know you're tracking me. Just don't tell me you're tracking me.

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